A priest, rabbi and stripper walk into a bar. Well only the priest walks into a bar. The rabbi and stripper are too busy negotiating. The priest walks into the bar and I’m drinking pineapple juice. The priest looks me up and down like a rosary. He winks and is wearing cutoff jean shorts and I can see each leg hair trembling like a virgin. I think about choirboys lifting up valedictorians’ skirts. I think about choirboys spreading valedictorians like jam and licking their fingers clean. The priest whispers meet me in the bathroom, we’ll pretend it’s confession. He struts to the bathroom while I finish my pineapple juice. I walk out of the bar and am on top of a volcano. On Sunday I go to church and tell another priest forgive me father for I have sinned. He tells me to do twenty hail marys while watching the Playboy channel.